MON., JAN. 29, 2007

If you’re the type of person who likes to show a lot of skin, February maybe isn’t your month. If anything, February is the month to show your fur … or wool … or plumage – ideally anything that doesn’t shrink or pucker in the cold weather. Face it: Skin doesn’t really look good cold. Goose pimples are humiliating enough on geese, so why would you think you could pull them off? And speaking of pulling off, what better way to honor the sacrifice of these formerly fuller-feathered fowl than by being down with the down? Down is crazy warm and just about anyone would agree you’re better off puffy than pimply. Still, if you absolutely insist on showing skin, why not show skin other than your own? Ideally you’ll want to shop outside the species on this one. Bos taurus is a good choice. You get more skin for your money, plus it’s been said that if you’re caught in a blizzard you can gut one, remove the entrails, and warm yourself inside the steaming carcass. Otherwise pretty much anything within the phylum Chordata will do. If you can make boots out of lizard skin then what’s to keep you from sewing together a duster made of Barton Spring Salamanders? Other than basic human decency and several sections of the Endangered Species Act of 1973? The key is keeping your own skin warm and supple, and if you have go with faux-skin to do it, there’s no shame in that either. There’s always Gore-Tex or polyester fleece or trash bags and duct tape – so regardless of your financial situation, you should never willfully weather the elements au naturel – unless you’re a Polar Bear or drunk and Russian or all three. Indoors, however, is another matter. You gotta let that epidermis breathe sometime, if only to briefly experience what it feels like to be in the Top 8 on God’s MySpace page – along with, of course, Tom, Tila Tequila, and some random metal band from L.A. If you’re tired of walking around the house in a thong and feather boa and want to expose your alabaster winter veneer to those of a like mind, you might want to cab it over to the Palmer Events Center this Saturday for the 30th Carnaval Brasileiro. Even if Latin music doesn’t twist your nipple, you’ll still find plenty to engage your senses at Carnaval. Expect a full night dancing, drumming, drinking, sweating, painting, and plumage … lots of plumage.