SAT. NOV 30, 2002

Let’s assume it’s Friday and you’re still fighting the overwhelming urge to shove your finger down your throat and bring up all that nasty Thanksgiving bloat in one giant autumnal heave. No, you’re not a spoilsport. You just recognize that the Pilgrims aren’t holding down a spot in the pantheon of epicurean achievement for a reason. They were starving. If it weren’t for Squanto, they wouldn’t have had two kernels of corn to rub together, much less turkeys – not to mention the Pilgrims didn’t get all that freaky with anything, so fusion was pretty much out of the question. Yes, Don Quixote was right, hunger is the finest sauce in the world, but no matter what you put on it, a turkey is still a turkey. Dark meat, white meat, skin or giblets, turkey is uniquely unable to transcend itself. Thus it is relegated to being the lifeless daily fare of weight watchers and the bland centerpiece of a yearly holiday meal. For the glass-half-full crowd, the turkey and all its starchy accoutrements serve as pleasant reminder of our common heritage and the bounty in which we are lucky enough to share. For the rest of us, it’s the milquetoast emblem of how bad things can be – especially if you let the guy in the black clothes and the belt-buckle hat run the kitchen.

Now that you’ve gotten Thanksgiving out of your system, you may want to brush your teeth and head down to the Continental Club for the spicy sounds of El Vez. Friday and Saturday at midnight, “El” will be performing two back-to-back nights of his special X-mas show, ostensibly in support of his latest CD, “Sno-Way José.” El Vez is all about fusion. Witness classics like “Mamacita Donde Esta Santa Claus?” and “Brown Christmas” and you’ll begin to wonder if maybe the holiday season isn’t such a bad idea after all.