June 16, 2010

Antone’s CLOSED

Having fun can be a real bitch. There is almost always a certain amount of effort involved. Sure, you can attempt to minimize it to a certain extent. You can position your recliner within arm’s reach of your Red Bull and Snickers stocked minifridge, get your joystick optimally situated so that you barely have to move your wrist, strap on a urinary condom and a collection bag so that you rarely have to even go to the bathroom, but what kind of life is that? Sitting around all day basting in the funk of your own nervous sweat worrying that you might get ganked by a hostile World of Warcraft mob? Fuh-hun! A few years of that and your Jabba the Hut-looking ass will have exactly zero chance of getting laid by anything other mail-order sex toys. Scary as it sounds, there is something to be said for getting out and about – not just making vampirish runs to the grocery store at 3:30 in the morning to pick up more Red Bull and Snickers, but actually going out and engaging in activities that bring you into contact with real people, not just the automated checkout machine. Such risky activity does require a modicum of social skills and a wardrobe with slightly more depth than a cat-fur-coated bathrobe, sagging tube socks, and torn house slippers. For instance, let’s say you start slow. Maybe you rent a kayak on Lake Ladybird. Since it’s June, you clearly haven’t done your homework, but hey, credit for taking a stab, right? Nothing like kayaking in June to bring home the valuable epiphany that being on the water is not the same as being in the water. Anyway, you will at least have to interact with the cashier at the boat rental stand: a few unintelligible mumbles, a quickly scrawled signature on the credit card slip, and you’re off. That wasn’t too painful, and is this fun or what? Slowly floating down the Bird in a plastic log, body bent into an excruciating right angle, blanketed in sweat from the 100% humidity. Enjoy yourself. Soon enough you’re going to have to paddle back up river to claim your deposit. OK, so maybe that hypothetical was a bust, but surely there is some sort of fun activity that doesn’t involve a slave galley ship re-enactment. How about Frisbee golf? Bam! There you go! Frisbee golf is just like real golf, only no one cares if you’re actually good at it. Genius! You could scream “I am the number one rated Frisbee golfer in America!” at a crowded cocktail party, and conversational din would go on uninterrupted. Similar results could be achieved with the phrase “I am really good at masturbating!” Yawn. Everybody thinks they’re the Tiger Woods of masturbation, and, ultimately, that’s true. It’s just nothing to write home about. Of course, masturbation, like Frisbee golf, is fun that can be had with a relatively low risk of injury and limited arm/wrist movement. It’s probably best not to do it in public parks though. Having fun isn’t always easy. Managing to endure the hellish drudgery of day-to-day existence requires a Herculean amount of imagination, creativity, and courage. Blessed are the entertained, for they shall inherit the stuff suicidal people leave behind. Staying entertained can be exhausting. It’s no wonder why so many people try to spice things up by turning to drugs and alcohol. Unfortunately, some end up believing that drugs and alcohol are the fun itself. That’s often the point at which the fun ends, when an exciting choice turns into the grim necessity of chemical dependency. Being chemically dependent is ugly at any age, but especially so for teenagers, who haven’t yet been exposed to the wide array of possibilities life has to offer without drugs and alcohol. Fortunately there are programs like the Palmer Drug Abuse Program that help teenagers deal with chemical abuse issues and life in general through peer counseling and support. As the song goes, it’s easier “to get by with a little help from [your] friends.” And PDAP is doing just that this Thursday night at Antone’s when Eric Johnson, Chris Layton, and Scott Nelson perform a fundraiser called “Eric Does Hendrix” – a night of Jimi Hendrix music performed by Grammy-winning Austin guitar god Johnson, along with ex-Stevie Ray Vaughan drummer Layton and bassist Nelson. If you’re into Hendrix, Eric Johnson, or just helping kids make it safe through troubled times, this show should be big, easy fun.