Austin

R.A.W. Fridays: DJ Kelly’s Vinylogical Warfare

The Luv Doc Recommends

February 16, 2011

Yes, there are bears in Austin. You might see one wading through the waters of Bull Creek or maybe hiking through the greenbelt, but if you really want to see bears in their natural habitat, your best bet is the Chain Drive on Willow Street. So maybe they’re not the type of bears you were hoping to see, but they’re much less dangerous. Plus, the bears at Chain Drive can dance, drink, and hold intelligible conversations. They also sport plenty of fur, if that’s what you’re into. Of course, Chain Drive isn’t just about bears … or cubs or grizzlies or otters or ewoks or wolves or gorillas; it’s about being comfortable with who you are, even if you’re a jock, a twink, or a queen. There’s some leather too. In fact, Chain Drive might be the closest thing Austin has to a leather bar, but on any given night you can probably find more leather at the Broken Spoke. (Hint to PETA activists: Google that shit, but make sure you roll strong.) That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t rock those assless chaps if you’re so inclined, just know that you’ll probably be rocking them solo if you do. You could probably do the same at the Spoke, but it’s doubtful you’ll make it past the door unless your butt fur has the density and color variation of a palomino pony – and really, if you’re paying your stylist that kind of money, you’re probably not hanging out at the Chain Drive. Why? There’s nothing high-dollar about it. It’s dingy, poorly lit, and has a Goodwill design aesthetic. There’s no dress code, valet parking, or stalls in the bathroom. And it’s perpetually rumored to be closing. In short, it’s exactly what every Austin bar used to be back before the trust-funders and condopolitans started taking over. Yes, they would love the Chain Drive … just enough to suggest maybe cleaning it up a bit, giving it a new paint job, and having a really good interior designer come in and adjust the feng shui. Pretty soon you have a valet stand, a douche in a headset with a list, and a roomful of people trying desperately to impress one another. More importantly, you’re paying $4 for a beer and $8 for a cocktail. Ew. It’s enough to make you want to start growing chest hair and wearing leather. Fortunately, at Chain Drive you don’t necessarily have to … and well drinks and beer are no more than $2 … some nights even less. That’s crazy affordable. Just remember: They don’t take credit cards, and parking is a bit of a bitch. Then again, if you want to party Downtown, parking is always going to be a bitch. Don’t be a hater; be a celebrater. Celebrate the fact that Austin still has a few remaining unpretentious establishments that, instead of hiring a designer to create a weathered look, actually have a weathered look. Woot! This Friday night you can enjoy some unpretentious fun at the Chain Drive with D.J. Kelly’s Vinylogical Warfare, a dance party that features classic rock, Eighties pop, and trash disco spun from original vinyl by a real, live bear! Cheapo drinks and old-skool dance music? Grrrrr!

Rock and Roll at Ruta Maya

Luv Doc Writings, The Luv Doc Recommends

SAT., FEB. 7, 2004

Usually when a beloved Austin institution moves and sets up shop in new and shinier digs, there issues a chorus of complaints about how it’s not as cool as the old place, or that the supposed institution has sold out. It’s the truth as often as not. Old Austin is characterized by its freakiness and funk. Newer places tend toward a more generic, less cluttered, culturally homogenized appearance that appeals to the largest possible demographic. Old Austin, to the uninitiated, is a little intimidating. Take Ruta Maya Coffee House for instance. The original Fourth Street location was a barely converted, un-air-conditioned warehouse filled with aging, mismatched furniture and an even more mismatched clientele. The porch was nearly always filled with dreadlocked, pierced, tattooed, alternative types smoking cigarettes and giving the skunk eye to starched-collar yuppies who dropped by for a pick-me-up after visiting ritzier places like Sullivan’s and Cedar Street. Inside was an equally intimidating gauntlet of noise, steam, smoke, and eclectic music whose terminus was a well-graffitied, two-stalled unisex bathroom with no lock on the outer door. Good times. Ruta Maya’s new location at Penn Field (actually, not so new anymore, having been there now for nearly two years) has same-sex bathrooms, air conditioning, a huge stage, and a great sound system. In short, other than the same-sex bathrooms, it’s a vast improvement over the old Ruta Maya. Why? Because it still possesses all of the elements of the old location, but in a larger, more accommodating space. Drawbacks? It’s more isolated for one thing. The only foot traffic these days is the occasional Exposé titty dancer who strolls up the hill for a cup of joe. Otherwise, it’s a drive-to destination, albeit one with ample parking and a pretty wicked view of St. Ed’s and downtown Austin from the back patio. Most importantly, Ruta Maya still buys its coffee from an organic farming cooperative in the highlands of Chiapas, Mexico, which helps improve the living condition of the cooperative’s participants and the region in general by promoting sustainable agriculture. If you’re going to feed your addiction, why not help feed people with it as well? This Saturday, Ruta Maya is host to Rock and Roll at Ruta Maya, a benefit for the Mayan Communities Fund which provides health care and social services to people in southern Mexico and Guatemala. For $3 you can enjoy six hours of glorious rock & roll from six Austin acts: Primordial Undermind, Beecher, the Band With No Name, Dum Dum & the Smarties, Madamimadam, and the Amazing CJ. That’s an attractively priced 50 cents per band, so you should have plenty of jack left over for some Mayan homegrown. If you’re not a coffee achiever, relax. Ruta Maya has plenty of other libations, both alcoholic and non, to get you through the night.

Alliance Française d’Austin Bastille Day Festival

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SAT. JULY 13, 2002

Since its very beginnings, Texas has had a peculiar love/hate relationship with France. Early Texans sought recognition and support for their new republic, and one of the first legitimate countries to come calling was France, who threw Texas a bone in the form a second class envoy named Jean Pierre Isidore Alphonse Dubois de Saligny. Jean Pierre’s mission was to push through the passage of the Franco-Texian bill, which would allow French colonization of parts of Texas under the protection of the French army. Instead of exercising diplomacy, Jean Pierre built an ostentatious hilltop manse (larger than the capitol) and ran afoul of a local innkeeper by ordering his servants to shoot the innkeeper’s pigs if they strayed onto his property. Not surprisingly, the deal went South and Jean Pierre went East. Today Jean Pierre’s hilltop manse, the French Legation, is the oldest documented structure still on its original site and a stalwart reminder of Texans’ conflicted feelings towards the French. French culture has always been viewed as something of an affront to Texans’ egalitarian sentiments while at the same time anything having remotely to do with the French seems to have almost mythic cultural cache’ (isn’t that a French word?) Even today in shopping malls across Texas the phrase “it’s Franch!” is the cultural equivalent of “‘nuff said.” Therefore, it is perhaps fitting that the 7th Annual Bastille Day Festival takes place Saturday night at the French Legation. This year’s festival looks to be bigger and better than ever and features the unbeatable triumvirate of wine, food and song, the latter courtesy of Ponty Bone and the Squeeze Tones and Rumbullion. If you’ve any doubts that this is the thing to do Saturday night, just remember, “It’s Franch!”

Texas Pride Parade

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SAT. JUNE 1, 2002

If you’re not gay yet, this might be a good weekend to give it a try. Saturday and Sunday men and women from all across the Lone Star State will be converging on Austin celebrate Texas Pride weekend. If you want to kick things off a little earlier, you can start with the Dyke March, which will make its way from the Capitol steps to the Empanada Parlour Thursday night. For $5 you can hang out and enjoy the afterparty. Don’t take off your shoes just yet however, Saturday is the Texas pride Parade where possibly thousands of light loafers, comfortable shoes, and army boots will be padding down Congress Avenue in support of pink power. After a rousing rally on the capitol steps, you can kick up your heels at the Womens’ Dance at Fiesta Garden which runs from 7-12pm. A $10 donation gets you in the door. Maybe you’ll get lucky and meet someone to take to the Texas Pride Brunch the next morning. The brunch starts at 11am and for $25 you can nosh and hobnob with local and state political candidates. Or, you may just want to skip the brunch and go straight to the Texas Pride Festival where for $5 you can enjoy an all day smorgasbord of Austin talent emceed by former Big Boy Randy “Biscuit” Turner and Heather Gold. Some of the scheduled acts include the Sexy Finger Champs, Adult Rodeo, Susan Gibson, Austin Babtist Women, Sarah Hickman, and Patrice Pike. Augmenting the live music will be DJs Dig’m, Sue Johnson, and maybe even Filthy Rich as well as a drag show featuring James Perry (Miss Gay San Antonio), Paris Chanel, and Kelly Kline. With a lineup like that, you’re bound to be entertained regardless of your orientation, wouldn’t you say?

SPAMARAMA

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SAT. MAY 18, 2002

Back in 1995, Austin officially became know as SPAMTOWN, USA – Austin Minnesota, that is. Austin, Texas however, has been aspiring to that title since way back in 1978 when a motley group of potted pork lovers at the Soap Creek Saloon threw together the first-ever SPAM-O-RAMA. It wasn’t until the mid eighties that the legal types got involved and replaced the O with an A, but by then, the folks at Hormel HQ knew the fat was in the frying pan, so to speak. Ever since, our namesake to the north has only feinted at the kind of knuckleheaded slacker whimsy that brought us SPAMARAMA®.

Sure, Austin, Minnesota dedicated a SPAM® Museum in 2001 and hired some serious celebrity heavyweights like Marion Ross and Barbara Billingsley to pay homage to the pork, but compared to the wacky absurdity of SPAMARAMA®, that all just seems like disingenuous marketing tripe. Here in Austin, Texas the SPAMsters are as much about putting a pig on a poster as they are about putting potted pork on your plate, and that’s as it should be. Carving up pigs and squeezing them into tiny tin cans is serious business and bound to play on your conscience. Down here, several states removed from the carnage, we’re never too sullen to put on a potted pork party. That’s why you can count on a fun time out at Waterloo Park this Saturday. Not only will you enjoy music by Steven Bruton, the Damnnations, Greezy Wheels, and the Uranium Savages, you’ll also witness wacky events like the SPAM®alympics, the SPAM® jam, and feast on samples from the world famous SPAM® Cook-off. It’s enough to drive you to vegetarianism but is that so wrong?

Paregentan

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SAT. FEB. 9 2002

So maybe you’re not an Armenian, but that doesn’t mean you can’t party like one. This Saturday night over at the Red Lion Hotel on the corner of I-35, Armenians from Austin and elsewhere will be celebrating Paregentan, the Armenian Mardi Gras. Why Paregentan? Because Armenians don’t speak French. OK, there’s more to it than that, so get out your notebook. Armenia is a landlocked little country (about the size of Maryland) sandwiched between Turkey and Azerbaijan – or Georgia and Iran, depending on where you’re standing. Historically, Armenia has been overrun by all of your big conquerors: the Persians, Alexander the Great, the Romans, the Byzantines, the Arabs, the Mongols, Tatars, Ottomans and the Russian Empire. What does this mean to you? It means that while Armenia may be relatively poor country economically speaking, Armenians and the Armenian Diaspora are culturally rich. You can share in some of that wealth this Saturday starting at 8pm. Not only will you get to feast on mezze (a much easier way to say and spell “hors d’oeuvres”) like Hummus, Tabouli, and falafel, you’ll be able to dance to Armenian, Greek, Persian and Arabic dance music spun by Los Angeles Armenian D.J. team Neptune Productions. Did I say belly dancing? Did I need to? Later, at midnight, they bust out the Armenian sweets and coffee so you can sober up after a hard night of drinking and dancing. If you’re a diehard, don’t worry. The party goes on until 2. Dress is casual, but it wouldn’t kill you to throw on a tie, would it?

Janeane Garafalo

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FEB. 1, 2002

The Paramount Theatre is one of those ancient, ornate, neo-classical structures we like to keep around for occasions of pomp and circumstance. While others of its kind have suffered the mild indignity of being renovated into proletarian structures like discos, pool halls, and record stores, the Paramount has been restored to a decent semblance of its original design. The result is a certain weathered elegance. Like a grandmother’s plastic-covered sitting room, the Paramount is swank digs to the mud covered kid of Austin’s collective cultural consciousness. So every once in a while when someone important is in town we pull off the slip covers and pretend it’s the living room, but of course, we’re not fooling anyone – certainly not acerbic, quick witted comediennes like Janeane Garafalo, who pays a visit to the Paramount this Saturday night. It would be an understatement to say that Janeane is one of the paragons of nineties slacker cynicism. Since her earliest days on Ben Stiller and Larry Sanders shows, Garafalo has made a name for herself by railing against the hypocrisy, inanity, and unforgivable mediocrity of mainstream middle class society – ironically the same stratum that provides the bulk of her fan base. Fortunately, Austin is chock-full of cynical middle class intellectuals, which should make for a large, enthusiastic crowd smart enough to know that the joke is partially on them. Maybe you should take a dip in this Olympic-sized dating pool.