August 3, 2010

AFS Cinema

Whatever you do, don’t call it midget wrestling. Why? Good question. Pro wrestling has not traditionally been the model of political correctness. Rather than play down the differences of its competitors, pro wrestling has always built them up to comic extremes. Who can forget (remember?) ring legends like Ivan Putski “The Polish Power,” Norman “Black Magic” Smiley, Sheamus O’Shaunessy “The Irish Curse,” Umaga “The Samoan Bulldozer,” or “The Spaniard” Crusher Verdu? If none of the preceding sound familiar to you, you’re probably not a pro wrestling fan. Congratulations! You also probably didn’t grow up on the wrong side of the tracks in a trailer that smelled like moldy carpet and burnt toast. Feel free then to enjoy a little smug condescension for the unsoaped riffraff who find it entertaining. Regardless of what John Irving and sundry Greek philosophers would have you believe, wrestling has never been a big sport for thinkers. Sure, there’s a certain amount of strategy and cunning involved (well-concealed brass knuckles or maybe a surprise metal folding chair to the back of the head, for instance), but most of the time simple brute force prevails, just like in the real world. Wrestling is an age-old reality series that dates back thousands of years, probably to the dawn of man. The Chinese did it … as did the Egyptians and eventually the ancient Greeks, who passed it on to the Romans, who in turn passed it on like herpes (also Greek) to most of the world. The Greeks, however, get special credit for really refining the sport. They actually made up rules … and perhaps more importantly, had the means to write them down. Genius. Back in Greek times dudes wrestled dudes in the buff … while coated in oil. These days that sort of thing only happens at financially distressed gay bars on off-nights. The spectacle is much the same, except that in ancient Greece, it was against the rules to grab your opponent’s nut sack, even if just for a sensual caress. No, the ancient Greeks were much more into the violent aspects of wrestling. Other than hitting, kicking … or the previously mentioned scrotum grab, pretty much anything was fair game: choking, bending (breaking) fingers, gouging eyes … all of which still exist in modern pro wrestling, it’s just that they are illegal and usually the shameless, desperate behavior of the bad-guy wrestlers, known in the business as “heels.” Heels are the comic book villains of the pro wrestling world whose job it is to inspire hatred from fans through various forms of dastardly behavior directed toward “faces,” the good-guy heroes of wrestling. As with any good soap opera or reality series, the plot is thickened by switching things up every now and then. The bad guys become the good guys, the good guys the bad, and so on … sort of like an average episode of Jersey Shore or America’s Next Top Model. Yes, both are filled with buffoonish characters that everyone loves to hate, but the difference with wrestling is that it lacks even the scarce subtlety of reality TV. Therefore, if you are going to see wrestling, leave your thinking cap at home. You don’t want to ruin the experience by overanalyzing. This is especially true of midget wrestling. It’s best that you start by completely suspending both your disbelief and your moral superiority. This Friday offers a chance to do just that when Micro Championship Wrestling mixes it up at the Marchesa Hall on I-35. To whet your appetite for small-scale destruction, here’s a quote from the MCW website: “MCW Superstars have performed with Rock Stars: Kid Rock, DMX, Iron Maiden, Slipknot and others. They have also been featured on tons of TV Shows: Jerry Springer, Maury Povich, MTV, WWE, TNA, and Major Roles in The Bleeding and 100 Tears to name a couple.” That’s doesn’t sound unbelievable at all, does it? Question is, does it sound exciting?